In 2006, I had the privilege of reading Josh's first book, The Spinal Cord Perception. It was a thought-provoking and dark journey through the eyes of a broke substitute teacher. Ever since I finished it, I have awaited a new release from Josh. When I heard the news that Nevada would be released toward the end of November this year, I knew right away I had to order it as soon as possible.
The book was originally only expected as a paperback edition, but soon after the announcement of Nevada's release, fans were made aware of a limited edition of the novel. It was said to be only printed in one run of 50 hardcover copies, hand numbered and signed by the author for fifty dollars.
As soon as the announcement was made, the internet was rife with buzz about the deluxe edition. I had planned from the beginning on gladly offering up my fifty bones for a copy (mostly for those coveted 1-50 numbers). As a Showbread fan, I knew that the numbers would, in effect, give me status or bragging rights in the Bread Head community.
Josh told the world on Wednesday, November 18th that pre-orders would be made available the next day. A fellow fan and friend of mine, Sir Jeremy Waterman, was utterly disappointed by his obligation to previously planned appointments, scheduled for that day. Through the course of that Wednesday evening, I convinced myself to be the good friend and offer to order the super-special edition for him since he was going to be busy. He accepted and appeared to be totally stoked.
When I made the decision to make this pre-order happen for the two of us, I felt the need to order a copy for Jeremy prior to my own purchase simply out of what I considered to be good friendship. This way, if something happened and one of us didn't get the book, I would end up the one without a copy and not my friend.
As it turns out, Josh grossly underestimated the interest in his hardcover edition and the books oversold in about five minutes. The good news was that I made it through both transactions safe and sound. Just a few minutes later, however, I was notified via email that my order had been refunded. Here was the message:
"We are terribly sorry to inform you that the NEVADA LIMITED EDITION BUNDLE has sold out before your order was processed. please accept a full refund and visit showbread.net to read about an offer as a token of our apology."
The first thing I thought to do was check to see if Jeremy's order had received the same refund. After several times refreshing his account... Nothing. Sooner or later, I came to a hard realization:
Jeremy got the hardcover, hand-numbered, author-signed limited edition and I didn't.
I was crushed for a moment in time. Honestly, my body was filled with every sort of emotion one could be filled with. Sadness, anger, frustration, relief, happiness, laughter, madness. It was all there in some form. I thought to myself "How could this happen to me? I'm not supposed to be the one who loses out on these things..."
I gave myself time of reflection. Did I really need to spend my spare cash on a super-extra-special edition of the book? No. Would I be any more of a fan if I had one of the numbers inside the cover? No. Would I enjoy the standard edition just as much as the fancy copy? Yes.
Could I learn something from my experience? Yes.
The Holy Spirit had been with me that whole time, teaching me a lesson that needed to be learned. From Jeremy going out of town to me offering to order in his stead. From the impression I had earlier that day to order his first to the swift sale of the novels. It was all done for a reason and I'm here to tell you why.
Selflessness.
I had been given every opportunity to give the gift of selfishness to myself from the get go. The human instinct is to do for self first and for others second, but I felt a strange desire to do the opposite that night. Although Josh's book is hardly valuable to most, The Holy Spirit was teaching me that none of the things I thought were important really mattered in the grand scheme--that it was all orchestrated for me to learn the value of humility and self-sacrifice.
Through all the frustration, it was a lesson I very much appreciate even now as I'm writing this entry. Christ has called us to endure and to put others' best interests before our own. Don't forget... That's exactly what he did when he was beaten and killed for us.
At that, I will leave you with this:
"I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." - Matthew 25:40
CJ
